27 Years: A Self Reflection

The writing that follows was planned as a self-reflective blog that I would post on or around my 27th birthday. This means it was written over a year-and-a-half ago now. At the time, I was feeling that I wasn't quite able to convey the thoughts and feelings I'd intended in the few paragraphs I'd managed to jot down here, however, upon later revisits, I was happy with what I was reading and knew that I needed to "finish" it one day and post it for myself. As the reader, in some eclectic manner, you'll experience and hopefully relate and understand to where I stood then and where I stand now.

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August 2012

I have few, honest regrets these days. Those I do, I endorse and endure. The smile I wear isn't forced or faked. I willingly created an improved perspective on things sometime in my very early twenties and haven't looked back since.

On the twenty-first day of this month, I'll be celebrating twenty-seven years here. During this time, I've come to grow in a way that few are so fortunate to experience. You have too, my friend. You see, I have gained this understanding of life and its immeasurable significance in recent years. I wish to live a long and beautiful life as a good person doing good things for the simple fact that it's my moral belief to exist with such standards. I wish for you to share as much of that time with me as time will allow.

As far as time goes, though, I feel I've wasted quite a lot of it. I burned years away in negligence towards the clock and calendar. I have been selfish in years past and put too much focus on the present moments instead of those ahead. What's done is done and I understand that. The past is the past.

I now watch from this place as past loves find new, marry, and create life together. Families blossoming this sort of happiness and love that I cannot yet own, known, or comprehend. I watch as my generation tirelessly reaches for success, earns it, and digs their roots deep into a world that I haven't yet been invited to.
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So, in retrospect, I feel the passion in what I'd written, but it still gives me a sense of being an incomplete thought. Today, I stand at the cusp of change. I am proud to say that, without quite realizing that it has/is happening, I'm finally starting to reach the life goals I set for myself half a decade ago.

As I type these words, I'm sitting on my own couch in my new home. I've migrated 40-miles east to Chicago and found a beautiful, affordable apartment, a solid roommate, and a neighborhood that is quiet, friendly, and safe. I'm doing well in school and pursuing a new serving position within my new city; the last tie to my life in the suburbs. I'm ready to uproot and grow in a place with more headroom.

This morning, I am content in knowing that the snow will thaw and my new world will soon be expanding in great ways. I have vowed to make the coming summer months some of the best of my entire life. I will pursue laughter, adventures, friendships, and perhaps even new love. I will make my time count. I will be happy. I will be appreciative. I will be appreciated.

I'm finally ready for all of this.
I've worked very hard for all of this.
I deserve all of this.