When Is It "Time To Try Life On For Size"?

Take a moment to reflect on the personality, philosophies, and priorities that you had in your life when you were eighteen years old. If you're not eighteen yet, try and guess what those parts of your life are going to be like. If you are eighteen right now, then the questions I have in today's blog are absolutely for you to ponder.

So, we're putting ourselves into the shoes we wore around the time we were finishing high school. If you weren't technically finishing (like myself, who failed my last year quite miserably), this can still apply. I've been considering the reason that society expects us to make of the most serious life decisions we're ever left to make in our entire lives at the unseasoned, young age of eighteen.

What are you going to go to school for? What's your major going to be? What do you want to do FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE?

Society says, "DECIDE NOW!", but how can this possibly be expected to happen at all?!

Personally, when I was eighteen years old, I didn't have a clue. Well, I'm sure I had a few ideas, but no true aspirations or motivation to dive in and pursue such dramatically important responsibilities as knowing what I was going to eventually support a family doing. I didn't even want a family at eighteen. I was an inexperienced, ignorant, yet blossoming, adolescent boy. I have no problem admitting that now, but if you were to ask me seven years ago, I would've bent over backwards to make you believe that everything I stood for was completely justified, wise, and better than yours.

At eighteen, I knew that I despised the education system. School was a waste of my time and George Bush was the reason for most of my problems on top of it all. I knew that playing in a band was more important than my classes at the local community college would ever be. I even knew I wasn't ever going to have kids. I knew a lot.

In retrospect, yes, almost all of my views, opinions, and philosophies have since evolved into ones I want to believe are more mature and rational in these short few years since my eighteenth. I can laugh at myself, sure, but does that mean I'm not going to be able to look back at myself in this moment a few years from now and do the same thing? I obviously could never know. The important thing is, that at some point in those years since, I've found something for myself to focus on. A goal, you know? A destination that finally floats on my horizons in a soft light of hopefulness. Will it change? Maybe. Probably. Part of me believes that it constantly should. The blog's called "Onwards & Upwards" for that reason (among many others),  folks.

So, enough about me. Let's talk about you! What do you do? Where did you go to school? What was your major?

Exactly. There's way too much focus put on those sort of questions in society. Back off, people. Take your time. Be patient. The truly wise will always tell you that if something is meant to happen, it's going to happen when it's the right time. That it'll happen for a reason too. We all know how stressful it can be to find ourselves standing in the open without a direction to walk in. I'm just saying that you shouldn't force it. Everyone finds their bearings eventually. Don't pretend to know it. Don't convince yourself it's right just because "time's up" and people tell you that you'll fall too far behind and be left in the dust by your peers.

Life's long. It's usually up to the individual to take the optimistic approach to it. Just know that you've got all the time in the world to finish growing up, find yourself, discover your truest passions, and embrace them in a timely manner.

The warm, sunny days are almost here, Chicago suburbs. Lift your heads up, enjoy the summer, let yourself get distracted, and hopefully you'll be lucky enough to stumble across your path in the midst of it all.

Cousins and Comrades

You've fallen down a well. You're lost in the woods. You wake up in an unfamiliar place and can't seem to get your bearings straight. How much time passes until you begin to simply wish that someone was there with you?

So, who is it? Who would you wish to have close at hand to pull you through this dilemma? Your mother, father, brother, sister, son or daughter? Your husband, wife, boyfriend, or girlfriend? Your best friend in the whole, wide world or perhaps an older, wiser grandparent? What about your trusty canine or feline friend? (or in the case of my examples, I suppose you'd want your travel guide most off all, eh?)

I was asking myself these questions recently and figured there's no better place to address such a topic.

My younger brother (who's currently residing in Virginia Beach, VA) was in town for two days last week. I had already come up with the subject of this blog, but didn't really allow myself the time or energy to get around to writing it out until today (one week late). I was pleased to discover, however, that a few of my seemingly ambiguous readers were disappointed by this. To them, along with a confession of flattery, I offer an apology. I'm sorry if they had to wait around for this, but hopefully today's blog will alleviate any anxiousness they may have experienced. I'd like to be able to promise that it won't ever happen again, but "real life" doesn't wear a wristwatch does it?

Anyway, let's get back on topic, shall we?

Which person (or people) in your life would you do anything for? What are the honest limitations? You might take a bullet (or catch a grenade for someone). You might just be that shoulder to cry on. Now who would do anything for you? Who's your dry shoulder? Who's going to catch that grenade for you? Though part of me understands it, I don't want to believe that there are actually people out there that don't have anyone at all to rely on. I can't accept that somebody out there isn't depended on by another somehow. Humans are entirely too socially sustained for this to be possible in my mind. We live to share, don't we?

Tomorrow, if accessible, get ahold of you grandparents. Check in with them and make sure that they're still doing fine. Make sure that they know the same about you. They'll miss you a little less today. When you're conversation's over, your mom and/or dad would most definitely appreciate you taking a moment to catch up with them. I'm willing to bet that your husband or wife wouldn't mind if you told them you loved and appreciate them today. I'm also willing to bet that they'll send those same words right back to you. Maybe you could light a candle in your girlfriends heart some afternoon soon by simply sending her flowers or chocolates. Just go curl up with your dog or cat for a few minutes. Take a nap with them. They'll curl right back. It's a beautiful day outside, take your kids to the park. They'll smile, laugh, and grow. Meet your brother or sister for dinner and drinks tomorrow night while you're at it. You'll smile, laugh, and grow. Who cares if you have to initiate all of this? Someday, you have to trust that they'll return the favor.

Point is, you won't be allowed this sort of costless contact forever, reader. Be gracious for this quick minute we are fortunate enough to spend on this planet. Don't ever neglect how immeasurably opportune these moments of our exiguous lifetimes are. We're surrounded by people that want nothing but the best for us. Family, friends, and comrades that wish only for your love, acceptance, and honesty. So, give and you shall receive, reader. And thanks for reading, friend.

I'm going to close this one with a great line of lyrics that pertains to the topic quite well;
"Always remember there was nothing worth sharing like the love that let us share our name".
-The Avett Brothers

Are You Sure That Grass Isn't Greener?

It sure as hell looks a lot greener. I really think I'd like to jump this fence and find out. What's the harm in hopping over, taking a look around and giving myself the opportunity to really find out if the lawns over there are actually, significantly healthier and more voluptuous?

Exactly, reader. What is the harm? Are you too frightened to open the gate and walk out and away from the familiar and into an unaccustomed atmosphere? Do you believe that you're too comfortable where you are to start up the car and erupt through those white pickets and chain links?

Pay your bills ahead of time, friend. Set a few more dollars aside. Pack a bag. Don't forget your toothbrush. You've got fences, guardrails, and roadblocks to scale.

Look, I get it. I'm not in the financial or schedule-based situation that would allow for me to drop everything and go either. I'm honestly just trying to express the importance of being able to walk away when given the opportunity. Walk away and make the best of it, of course. This isn't meant to be some sermon about running away and hiding from the places you've came from. That's obviously an entirely different situation. I only wish to encourage you to grip the rope firmly and climb it, knowing that anything you've left at the bottom will more than likely be there if and when you decide to descend it one day.

I was fortunate enough to spend the first decade of my life moving from town to town and state to state every few years. I have come to believe that when a person is raised in this lifestyle it creates a distance between the individual and the environment that will forever allow that being to willingly and much more casually abandon the accustomed for the unaccustomed. Certainly I'm no psychologist, but through simply observation, can't you say that the friends and family you have that never left their hometown are notably more apprehensive about migrating from their conventional territory? See, reader?

I can say with some confidence that there is a considerably heavy line between those individuals that are born-and-raised versus those that are more well-traveled and worldly in their life experiences. Though I've still got plenty to see and even more to achieve and realize, I am most definitely the type of person that is forever going to encourage someone to hit the highways and truly experience what else is out there. Don't get me wrong here. I don't expect you to starve to death while marooned in an old city bus in the Alaskan wilderness. Don't be rambunctious enough to go and get your arm pinned by a rock in a small canyon. Simply stay on the main roads if you must. See all the big cities. Only backpack through the most popular tourist destinations. They've got to have those reputations for a reason. There's got to be something worth seeing there, right?

Point is, I suppose, that although you may be comfortable and things may be alright, what if the most beautiful place you could ever imagine is right next door? What if it's across the globe? What if the girl or boy of your dreams is out there waiting for you to cross paths with them? What if the town you'd love to raise your children in isn't actually the one you reside in now? Think about what's stopping you from finding out. Figure out how to break that wall down. As cliché as it sounds, you'll never know until you try, right?

Find that greener grass. Find that softer sand. Find those snow capped mountains or gentle, open plains. I'm willing to bet that you'll regret it forever if you never try.

I close this entry with a paraphrasing of one of my favorite quotes of all time;
"...at least they tried to follow their dream. That's what was great about them. They tried. Not many do."
- Ken Sleight as quoted by Jon Krakauer in his 1996 novel Into The Wild.

The Advantages of Solitary Circumstances

I'm sure that you know people that can't handle being alone. Sure, you can relate at times. You also know the type that says they don't "like" people. I'm sure you've worn those shoes plenty of times before too. We've all been somewhere crowded and noisy that you just wanted to escape. We've all sat in our room alone wanting nothing more than to be around somebody, anybody really, to escape that daunting sense of solitude. We can't control this. It's just another one of those things that you've got to accept about life and its increasingly complicated moods and emotions.

I think this time I'm going to write about the good things that can result from some time alone once in a while. Short of long term, it's got to be good for you in some ways, right? Maybe it's because I'm single, living back at home, and trying to cheer myself up. Maybe it's because I sure as hell believe that I'm not the only one living under these circumstances in my generation. Maybe it's all because there's absolutely no better way to get to know and understand yourself than to spend some time meandering around in your own brain.

Firstly, it's important to understand that many people aren't going to be good at being alone. We come from a very, very social society. Between the plethora of social networking sites, text and instant messaging capabilities, the convenience of cellphones, whatever. If you really want to get ahold of somebody, it honestly takes little to no effort to do so. However, what if these people were to willingly step out and away from all that for the afternoon? What if you were to just choose to forgot it's Friday night and find some way to entertain yourself and only yourself? What would happen if you dedicated an entire weekend, week, or month to such solitude? Would it be good for you? I suppose the point of this blog is about trying to answer that very question. How good or bad is a little solitary time for you?

In most situations, I believe that it takes some serious, mentally straining event to inspire something like a long, aimless drive or walk around the neighborhood. If life's treating you alright and things are going fine, why walk out on it for a minute? Maybe you just got in a rough argument with your parent(s), girlfriend/boyfriend, or other loved one. Perhaps you just lost your job or a friend moved away. Regardless of cause, it isn't strange to feel the urge to run off and try to sort out your mind. You have to admit too, most of the time, you feel better after pulling these little disappearing acts.

I refuse to believe that there's people out there that haven't ever done anything like this. If I'm wrong, however, I highly encourage them to get around to it. The open road, woods, sidewalks, and parks are our suburban generation's meditative oases. Bring your iPod or favorite mix CD and blast it like it's your own, little soundtrack for that moment of your life. You've got nobody to distract you when you're all by yourself, my friend. Just you and all the thoughts that create that endless pinball game in your head. Please understand just how truly important it is to eternally try and achieve a new high score during your little, solo adventures.

I've discovered in my quarter-century of life that there is nothing more peaceful, relaxing, and meditative than aimlessly walking through a forest preserve*, going running before class, or long drives with only loud, emphatic music riding shotgun. Now, understand that this is what I've found works for me. Perhaps someone like you obtains this peace of mind when you draw, paint, cook, write, or compose music. Like I had mentioned before, there are extensively infinite outs for achieving this sort of twenty-first-century meditation. I guess, without intending to be overly-preachy, I'm telling you that it's okay to grab hold of these things in your life and escape into your own mental attic once in a while, because one thing's for sure, we all most certainly deserve and need it.



*Since starting this blog, I've spent every Tuesday afternoon after class going for a solo hike or drive to a usually, pretty random destination. You'll notice that each blog that I post on Thursday ends with a photograph. All of these pictures were taken by me the Tuesday before I post the blog. This past Tuesday for instance, I drove down to a small town called Mendota and spent my afternoon/evening there. Not much to see and do, but I can assure you that the hour and a half drive each way was glorious.

The Convenience of LOVE

There's a reason most music and poetry seem to be inspired by it. There's a reason films and TV shows can build an entire, perfectly enjoyable, plot based around it. There's a reason the simple, four-letter-word can appear in English, but still be recognized as a universal symbol by almost anyone anywhere in the world. I'm willing to bet that there's rarely any form of art or media that can't be traced back to roots that stemmed from the soil of this incredible emotion in the first place.

I'm obviously talking about love here. Not because I'm in love. And not because you're in love. I think only because I want to understand it better. Or try to get down in writing what I believe about love.

You've been in love before, right? If so, have you really? Are there different levels of love? Are there many shades to it? Do you always know if you have love? Does it sneak up all of a sudden or creep into your mind slowly? Quite simply, I truly believe that there are very few things in life that are more complicated than love. Human emotions to begin with are difficult to understand, but love takes the cake. It takes the cake, the plate, the fork, glass of milk and even the furniture it's sitting on. Love is the softest pillow and the largest, must destructive wrecking ball all at once. This is why The Beatles claim that "all you need is love". This is exactly why the Swedes claim that "life without love is a year without summer". When you have it, there is nothing more important. You don't need to have a name for it. You don't need to understand it. That's one of the things that makes it great.

You can love a pet, a hobby, your parents, best friend(s), or a person of the opposite or even same sex. Love has no boundaries, remember? You would almost have to go completely out of your way to truly live without it. You can fight it, but we're more often surrounded by love than not in our world.

Learning to embrace it is what's strange and sometimes difficult. On a personal level, I can't ever expect to be able to understand it, but only to accept it for what it is. I like to believe that I've been in love. There's been instances of mutual, one-sided, and unintentional love. I'm sure you've had someone fall in love with you when you just don't feel the same way about them. I'm sure those tables have been turned on you at one point or another as well. Perhaps you've tried to fall in love with someone and just couldn't create it. We all come to learn that, unfortunately, there's no Cupid's arrow in real life.

I hope that someday I can tell the story of meeting the girl of my dreams to my grandchildren. I believe that "love at first sight" exists, but many aren't lucky enough to experience it. I want to hope that someday I'll meet a girl that I just "know" will be the one I share all my last years with. I won't wait for it, because it may not happen that way, but if an opportunity like that fell into my world, I wish only to recognize it and grab hold at the perfect chance. Wouldn't you?

In the meantime, why not have some practice, right? Love may not always be a permanent thing. It's not pursued as something temporary, but so what if it ends up being just that? You may be in a place in life that allows for that type of company, lust, and companionship with that particular person at only that time. Who's to tell you that you shouldn't have that? You can't wait around for the very perfect mate forever. Consider your current circumstances in life. The person that's absolutely perfect for you may not be that way at all during this particular life moment. If you were to cross paths with your future truest love today, would you know it? You can never be sure. Think if you could have a conversation with yourself five years from now, or five years ago. Think if the two personalities sharing that ten year gap were to strike one up. Mr. or Mrs.Perfect may not be that today.

On the other side of that coin, however, maybe there's someone that is only perfect for you at this moment. Childhood crushes, high school and college sweethearts, your very first love (or maybe your fifth or sixth). During these times, who's to deny love from anyone? It doesn't necessarily have to last forever. You deserve to be happiest at each moment of every day. The perfect match may evolve with you but when they don't, it's your responsibility to be able to let go and move onwards and upwards. Today, you deserve to have love. You deserve it tomorrow too. And every tomorrow after that. Only because you're capable of it.

I suppose, to close, I want to say that we should never deny ourselves love. On any and all levels. If you have it, don't forget to embrace it. If you feel like you don't, do not be afraid to pursue it. In my opinion, love and other emotions are the only true reasons we exist.

All of A Sudden I'm Not A Kid Anymore.

At what point in your life do you truly reach adulthood? Is there any particular instance that brings you to the suddenly realization that you're now a responsible, grown man or woman? I'm halfway to 26-years-old and still tend to refer to myself as a "kid".

I don't yet have a college degree, real career, or even a 401k. If I had a savings account, it would currently be collecting dust. I'm not yet a proud father or loving husband. Perhaps it's because I'm not a homeowner and I have no lawn to mow or white picket fence to paint. Is it simply the fact that I haven't taken the first few, careful steps across these stones of life that create my sense of a prolonged childhood?

The experiences we can go through during our younger years don't seem to be enough. Sure, you've fallen in love. Maybe you're unexpectedly a young, single mother now. What if you've already lived in an apartment by yourself and furnished it with wages you earned at a job you got all by yourself? You can pay your own bills. You can drive a car at 16. You can get a credit card in your name at only 18-years-old. If you feel like it, you can legally go to the strip club, porn shop, adult websites, and any R or NC17 rated film you'd like. Cigarettes are only a handful of dollars and a trip to your local gas station away. Not to mention, you can be drafted by the military to defend the country or vote for the politicians that will run it. It's only three years later and you've got free reign over the wide world of alcoholic beverages and bars to top it all off.

All of this doesn't seem to be enough though. Is it caused by the sheltering effects of the suburbs I've spent my entire life in? I know I'm most definitely not alone in feeling like this, but I find it foolish to believe that at some point I'm hoping to make this sudden mental switch to some currently unattainable idea of what it's like to finally breach into adulthood.

I am starting to believe that I've set these milestones up in my mind as a sort of hopeful future point to reach someday. Will it be a slow realization, or will I watch my first child be born and all of a sudden I'm not a kid anymore? Will I sign the check for a down payment on my first home and experience an overwhelming sense of age and maturity? When I'm handed my diploma or first corporate paycheck am I going to just know that it's happened? Is this what it takes to make myself believe that I've finally become a real grown up?

"Before You Go, Let The People You Love Know"

I suppose I could open my topic with such general quotes as "you never think it's going to happen to you" or "he/she was the last person I expected something like this to happen to". As far as I'm concerned, death is a taboo subject in American society. Unless you're talking about the afterlife, be it religiously based or not, the thought of dying is a typically bitter and unsettling one. You could get sick, you could be murdered, you could pass off quietly in your sleep, or even end yours yourself. There's countless methods, ways, and circumstances that can lead to your heart's beat slowing to its last and final thump. However, it's not how you're going to die that I wish to discuss. It's also not about what will happen to you when you finally part from this plane. I've been trying to understand what happens in the world around you after you are no longer a part of it.

In case anyone's concerned, I'm not in any morbid or negative place in my life. I believe that any blame for this blog can be aimed towards the book that I'm currently, and considerably slowly, reading. If you're curious, it's titled Last Breath and is written by a writer for Outside Magazine named Peter Stark. Essentially, it is a simple collection of short, fictional stories that each cover what happens to the human body and mind in situations of extreme endurance. I've read about the way your body freezes to death, or what's happening in your lungs when you're drowning, or the effects of mountain sickness on the respiratory and nervous systems. The characters are fictional, but the science and biology behind each of the tales is completely factual. As I've read through Stark's adventures, I find myself easily distracted from the fascinating science and can't seem to help myself from wondering what happens to those that you love and those that love you if you were to meet such an untimely fate.

While watching Danny Boyle's newest film 127 Hours a week ago, it really hit me that no one can ever feel sufficiently prepared for such a thing as an untimely death. When I'm out jogging, I sometimes find myself pondering how events would play out if I were to be hit by a car without an ID on my person. Only a couple of miles from home, with no familiar neighbors around, I might as well be in a different state, right? If I were to be killed under such circumstances, how long would it be until my family found out? Who would notify my school teachers and employer? What would happen to my bills? Who would be stuck paying my debts? Where would all the furniture in my storage unit end up? Would my email accounts, blogs, journals, and social networking profiles just be left alone forever, undisturbed?

I've recently been considering filling an envelope with such information as passwords, credit card information, and locations of my most private letters, emails, and belongings. I can't seem to bring myself to do go through with something like this though. It feels far too morbid. It's like I'm writing a personal will for my family to know about in case anything were to happen to me. In another's shoes, I couldn't imagine being offered such ideas and information from any friend or family member. It would be simply heartbreaking and honestly just disturbing. Again, death is esecially taboo for my generation.

Personally, I haven't grown up around death on any level really. I come from a simple and small family that is generally very happy, healthy, and hopefully still many years away from passing on from old age. I feel as though death is something very far away and misunderstood for the simple fact that I've more or less been sheltered by it for most of my life. How would I handle things if I were to lose a loved one? I have absolutely no way of truly knowing. I can only believe that there are ways to mentally prepare for such matters and trust that I would only grow stronger and wiser from such experiences.

One of the more significant concepts that I've been dwelling on the most these past few days is this; knowing and understanding that it will eventually happen to you. You need to embrace the life you have in the means that you find most appropriate, and above all, letting those that you love and those that love you know what they mean to you. If you were in a perilous situation and knew for a fact that you were not going to live through it, what would you regret? What would you have changed? What smoldering, old bridges would you make an effort to rebuild?

I'm beginning to understand that it's NEVER too late to give yourself a fresh start. In as fortunate and opportunistic a country as we live in, there's rarely going to be a legitimate excuse to keep you held hostage to an unhappy situation and/or circumstances. I'm beginning to believe that NOTHING matters more than being truly happy, satisfied, and having a real sense of personal accomplishment during the few years we're all given to live our lives on this world. I'm not necessarily saying to live selfishly, but to simply climb your way up onto a pedestal and openly reach down to those that you wish to have join you there. Onwards and upwards, right?

I wish only this; if I'm ever put in a situation that I become aware that I won't be living through, I refuse to feel anything but pride for what I've accomplished with the time I was given the privilege of borrowing. Now, when asked the question "how do you want to die?", I'll simply answer "satisfied".