27 Years: A Self Reflection

The writing that follows was planned as a self-reflective blog that I would post on or around my 27th birthday. This means it was written over a year-and-a-half ago now. At the time, I was feeling that I wasn't quite able to convey the thoughts and feelings I'd intended in the few paragraphs I'd managed to jot down here, however, upon later revisits, I was happy with what I was reading and knew that I needed to "finish" it one day and post it for myself. As the reader, in some eclectic manner, you'll experience and hopefully relate and understand to where I stood then and where I stand now.

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August 2012

I have few, honest regrets these days. Those I do, I endorse and endure. The smile I wear isn't forced or faked. I willingly created an improved perspective on things sometime in my very early twenties and haven't looked back since.

On the twenty-first day of this month, I'll be celebrating twenty-seven years here. During this time, I've come to grow in a way that few are so fortunate to experience. You have too, my friend. You see, I have gained this understanding of life and its immeasurable significance in recent years. I wish to live a long and beautiful life as a good person doing good things for the simple fact that it's my moral belief to exist with such standards. I wish for you to share as much of that time with me as time will allow.

As far as time goes, though, I feel I've wasted quite a lot of it. I burned years away in negligence towards the clock and calendar. I have been selfish in years past and put too much focus on the present moments instead of those ahead. What's done is done and I understand that. The past is the past.

I now watch from this place as past loves find new, marry, and create life together. Families blossoming this sort of happiness and love that I cannot yet own, known, or comprehend. I watch as my generation tirelessly reaches for success, earns it, and digs their roots deep into a world that I haven't yet been invited to.
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So, in retrospect, I feel the passion in what I'd written, but it still gives me a sense of being an incomplete thought. Today, I stand at the cusp of change. I am proud to say that, without quite realizing that it has/is happening, I'm finally starting to reach the life goals I set for myself half a decade ago.

As I type these words, I'm sitting on my own couch in my new home. I've migrated 40-miles east to Chicago and found a beautiful, affordable apartment, a solid roommate, and a neighborhood that is quiet, friendly, and safe. I'm doing well in school and pursuing a new serving position within my new city; the last tie to my life in the suburbs. I'm ready to uproot and grow in a place with more headroom.

This morning, I am content in knowing that the snow will thaw and my new world will soon be expanding in great ways. I have vowed to make the coming summer months some of the best of my entire life. I will pursue laughter, adventures, friendships, and perhaps even new love. I will make my time count. I will be happy. I will be appreciative. I will be appreciated.

I'm finally ready for all of this.
I've worked very hard for all of this.
I deserve all of this.

These Hopes and Her Promise

I am a student.
I am a college student in hopes of achieving the necessary skills and knowledge to earn a lifelong career. Tonight, I am oblivious to the specifics of this eventual career, yet, know that if I have things my way, my five year plan puts me anywhere but here, doing anything but this.

I have been kind.
It has never been a struggle for me to say and/or do the right things in my life. Since the moment I was able to conceive and organize my own philosophies, the world became a place I could appreciate and continually strive to explore and understand. As a simultaneous result, the people I have shared and continue to share this life with have proven to be predominantly good in nature.

I am loved.
I have inextinguishable support from these good people. They will infinitely inspire, encourage, and energize me as they have each day before this one. In return, I shall offer feasible, mutual beneficence.

I floated for a few years.
My late start has produced perpetual ramifications in both, my day-to-day life and mentality. While my peers have remained generally sympathetic to this, I inevitably isolate myself in several aspects of my existence. There are pieces of me that they've never known.

I have revoked my calling.
Like many, my battle of self has suffered a crushing defeat at the hands of the life I "should" have. Three years ago, my world was shrunken down to the confines of the classroom (where it remains).

I am a pupil of the road.
Above and before all, no experiences of mine have pushed the lifeblood through my veins more fiercely than seeing the infinitesimal number of skylines I've managed thus far. The human experience is not as short a tale as our small worlds may have us believe. I found this without looking for it.

I found myself on a highway.
I discovered myself at 6,000 feet. I inferred The Gods in the desert sands. I fathomed death on the forest trails. I comprehended love on a rocky shoreline. I became a man when I pushed through the exit.

It's tremendously arduous.
I struggle often with my decision to pursue this seemingly trivial existence. I am frequently reminded of the one I chose to step away from. Occasionally, life provides me with a small taste of her that will briefly deteriorate my vigor. Each time, I must fight her savagely and swallow my truest desires and passions. I am doing this now.

I will have her.
One day soon, I will hold her again. She will teach me everything I need to know. She will allow me to share this life with others. She will let me fall in love. She will help me create life. She will grant me the opportunity to become a mentor. And she will see that I depart from all of this satisfied and smiling.

With these hopes and her promise, I will holdfast to this path.

And, Travel...
I will always love you.
I will always yearn for you.

Live A Life Extended

Good morning, reader. How was breakfast? Did you have a big bowl of cereal or some eggs and toast? Were you running a bit late and decide to make a quick run for the drive-thru? Oh. You didn't eat breakfast? Well, then what's for lunch? Drive-thru again, eh? Sounds delicious. Save me some, will ya?

My sarcasm isn't meant to be very harsh, but honestly, did you start your day right? Are you going to end your day right? Do you feel like you're healthy? How often do you find yourself out of breath from seemingly casual physical exertion? Are you just planning on doing something about it eventually? Aren't we all?

I'm not trying to say that we need to start exercising and lifting weights to get that bronze, flat stomach starting tomorrow. We just need to recognize that we are fragile, living creatures. Our bodies, our organs, our flesh, all of that. It's the shell that contains the you part of you. And I know that we understand that. I know that we are well aware of the things that you should be doing everyday to maintain your stamina, strength, and well-being. We definitely know what we should and shouldn't be ingesting. So, where's our will-power?

Personally, for many years now I've been very, very health-conscious. Now I don't necessarily abide by these principles all of the time, but I'm still very conscious of my mind, body, and diet. I make nearly daily efforts to maintain an overall healthy physical condition. It's not like I'm running marathons or hitting the gym every day. The truly important thing isn't the doing portion of our day, but to keep ourselves focused on the not doing. It's easy, right? Don't eat fast food. Don't smoke cigarettes. Don't pass out on the couch with an empty bag of potato chips in your lap. It sounds simple, but doesn't everything? We're going to be unhealthy sometimes. Nobody's perfect. We all know that.

I think of it like this. We've got this short time to be here and make the best of it. Love it. Embrace it. Enjoy yourself, but do it in as least a self-destructive manner as you can manage. I couldn't tell you how many times I've heard the pathetic, old saying of "we're all going to die eventually anyway". If you ask me, it's just very sad for somebody to have that sort of lazy, depressing mentality toward your one and only chance to exist here and now.

It's not entirely our fault, is it? We're surrounded by things that are terrible for us. And as one of my favorite poets has put it, "we love the things that hate us". Convenience is a burden that we embrace all too hastily this century. Between the fried food, shakeweights, sleeping pills, and energy drinks it's no real wonder that we're all so sickly and generally unhealthy. It's nearly impossible to slam the door on these options too. The speed of society makes the debilitating substances far more user-friendly and time-saving. It's just too difficult and inconvenienct to avoid most of the time.

So, just say "no", reader. Say "no" for yourself. Say "no" for the ones that love and care about you. Obviously you won't be able to at every occasion, but take those little steps away from it all. Remember, nobody's perfect and nobody can live forever either. But, since we all understand that we're going to inevitably die someday, let's extend our lives as far as we can possibly stretch them. There's still plenty of time and lots to see and do with it. So, do it.

Can You Imagine?

Close your eyes and imagine that you're a fearless warrior. Or perhaps you're more of the jungle explorer or cowboy type. Either way it works. Maybe you ladies are more concerned with being a beautiful princess or marrying Jonathan Taylor Thomas. Or both. Close your eyes and imagine. That's my point. Do you have any idea how lucky we are to be able to do that? And it comes so easily too, doesn't it? It's a truly beautiful talent that we humans so casually and constantly indulge in. Why waste it, right?
Now be honest; when was the last time you actually sat down and did a little reading? Did you knock a few pages out before bed last night? Did you spend a few moments of your busy weekend out in your backyard flipping through an exciting new bestseller? I hope so. Because while you're body sits comfortable and your fingers flip those word covered pages one by one, your mind is simultaneously creating the scene, characters, outfits, noises, and voices for you. Like I said, it's a beautiful talent and you should consistantly exercise it.

Most people will agree that their fondest memories of growing up are the they shared with their childhood friends. In particular, the hours upon hours that we would spend romping around the neighborhood and nearby forests pretending to be whoever we felt like being that day. And whoever that person was could be anywhere that we felt like being in those moments. I've been chased by dinosaurs, fought off hordes of monsters and demons with swords and magic powers, and plunged from giant waterfalls only to surface and ascend it with ease once again. Impressive, right? Not to mention that the countless lives G.I.Joe, Barbie, Ken, and all four Ninja Turtles lived are all thanks to us because we forged them somewhere deep in the cosmos of our imaginations. You're welcome, guys. It was really nothing.

The unfortunate thing is that video games, television, and the Internet seem to be robbing current and future generations of this. Now listen, I'm not trying to make the claim that I'm perfect. I couldn't even begin to estimate how many hours I burned watching The Land Before Time or Jurassic Park over and over again in my first twelve years of existence. I'll even admit that I spent most of the year 2000 sitting in front of a computer monitor hacking away with a mouse on Blizzard Entertainment's Diablo II. We're all guilty of things like this, but I'm not trying to make you consider them to be taboo either. For all the time I spent leading Link through dungeons on a screen, my raptors were brawling with a T-Rex in the dirt pile wilds of my backyard. I wasted plenty of time watching Nickelodeon in my day, but I also read nearly every single Goosebumps book ever published. A little balance is all you really need.

The children I will one day raise are going to have puzzles, coloring books, Legos, and action figures before they ever know how to operate an X-Box controller. They'll have sprinklers, Nerf guns, Super Soakers, and blanket forts in and around the house. They'll scrape their knees, ruin their shoes, and eat dirt because I won't discourage them from doing so. Why? Because I want that sense of free imagination to stay with them for the rest of their lives.

Don't ever neglect your imagination or those of others'. Don't hold back. Don't hold others back either. Encourage it infinitely. Now close your browser and go read a book outside for an hour.

"I saw the angel in the marble and carved until I set him free" -Michelangelo.

For this side not, I wanted to try and give an excuse for my lack of discipline as far as my blogs go. The problem I'm running into is this; I don't have one. I need you to know that I truly truly TRULY appreciate those of you that do actually read and maybe even enjoy the things that I choose to write about. To feel as though I've let some of you down when I don't stick to my Thursday promise is not pleasant. I can only assure you that I'm very much conscious of all this and don't have any plans at all of abandoning this blog or writing in general. I'm simply enjoying my summer and the beautiful weather and moods that come with it. So, go outside today, reader. The Internet will be here when you get back. I promise.

"The Really Great Make You Feel That You, Too, Can Become Great"

You may not want to believe it, but almost every single day of your life you're going to encounter someone that (even if only for a few moments) looks up to you. Obviously there are many different shades and depths to it, but do you honestly understand that you're a role model more often than not in our society?

Think about it. In many countries, we dedicate entire television shows, websites, magazines, and just about every other form of informative media to celebrity gossip. We know when so and so breaks up, gets back together, or finally starts their happy, little family. We know when Britney shaves her hair off and when Beiber simply cuts his. We know when somebody makes a foolish slip of tongue or volunteers their time and status to benefit those in need.

Why do we care? I'm not really sure. My guess is simply what this blog is about. We always want to have somebody to look up to. Perhaps want is even the wrong word. I believe that we can't even help it in most cases. Maybe we're looking to laugh at someone's faults, or jealously compare our lives and beliefs to another's. Sometimes you just find the lifestyles of others to be simply fascinating. Celebrity or not.

Think about your siblings and extended family for a moment. Think about the years you spent growing up with and around your older and younger siblings. Think about your best friends big brother or sister that you both wanted to be just like when you finally reached their age. We grew up knowing that nobody was cooler or greater than those people. Was it irrational? Maybe. So what. During these moments in your life, especially your youth and adolescence, these are the exact people we needed around.

Time to turn the tables, reader. Weren't you the big brother or sister at some point? Weren't you the older cousin or friend's hero a few times? We all were. Some take it for granted while others recognize this role and play on it just the way that we're supposed to. You could be the head of a church or other volunteer group. You can coach a youth sports team or Cubscouts/Girlscouts-type-of-thing. You could be a badguy too. There's no rules set for who you're going to be. Especially in someone else's eyes.

Finally, I guess the point of all this is to say that the next time you're out doing things that you may regret in retrospect, please be considerate of the impressionable youth that may be there taking it all in. Like I said in the beginning, you may not think so, but people look up to you. Often. Being a better person is not only beneficial to yourself and life, but just as much so for the casual to ceaseless observers that take part in them too.

On this blog's "side note" I have some particularly exciting news (at least to me);
I will soon be writing a weekly blog for a local news website for the Algonquin area. Specifically about things to do and places to go in McHenry County when you're looking to embrace the outdoors this summer (cookout spots, parks, conservation districts, scenic drives, etc). I'm still in discussions with the woman that runs it, but I'll obviously keep everyone updated as it evolves. Thanks for reading!

Mothers Are A Cause For Celebration

This Sunday is Mother's Day. I think it's appropriate to dedicate this Thursday's blog to not only my own mother, but all the mothers I know. I'm sure some would call it a Hallmark holiday or whatever, but honestly, why shouldn't we celebrate the women that allowed us each to emerge into their world? I absolutely understand that some are not fortunate enough to still have their biological mothers in their lives, be it from divorce, disagreement, disease, or death, but for those of us that do, is it truly an inconvenience to take a few moments this Sunday to recognize and appreciate the significant role that your mother has played in your life? Almost anyone can admit that the person they are today has been nothing short of momentously influenced by her.

I was one of the privileged and fortunate suburban American youths of my generation to grow up with both of my biological parents being fully involved in my life. Not only was my mother around for my sister, brother, and I's upbringing, but we had a very engaging father, grandmother, and grandfather as well. Do I honestly think I'd be a different person today had those circumstances been different? Completely. Absolutely. Entirely.

My mother, who just turned 52-years-old last month, is one of the single most hard-working people I've ever known in my life. She proposed to my father at a mere 18-years-old and was married to him only a few months after her 19th birthday. In a couple of months, my parents will be celebrating their 33rd wedding anniversary (and yes, I do recognize how rare it is for someone of my generation to be able to brag about such an achievement. Ironically, divorce is something that isn't commonplace in family tree).

Point of all that is to say this; as a nearly 26-year-old, single male, I couldn't possibly ask for a better set of role-models when learning about what's truly important when understanding qualities of healthy, fair, and fulfilling relationships. Eventually, I'll be getting married and raising a family too. When I do, I trust that it will be honest, true, and rewarding.

So, to the mothers out there, you are more important to your children than even they can understand. There's going to be bumps in the road. There's going to be blocks and speed traps on that road too. In the end though, you need to accept the challenge that is motherhood and hopefully, someday have raised your children into appreciative, loving, and passionate adults that can proudly pass those traits onto their own offspring.

Happy Mother's Day, Mom

When Is It "Time To Try Life On For Size"?

Take a moment to reflect on the personality, philosophies, and priorities that you had in your life when you were eighteen years old. If you're not eighteen yet, try and guess what those parts of your life are going to be like. If you are eighteen right now, then the questions I have in today's blog are absolutely for you to ponder.

So, we're putting ourselves into the shoes we wore around the time we were finishing high school. If you weren't technically finishing (like myself, who failed my last year quite miserably), this can still apply. I've been considering the reason that society expects us to make of the most serious life decisions we're ever left to make in our entire lives at the unseasoned, young age of eighteen.

What are you going to go to school for? What's your major going to be? What do you want to do FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE?

Society says, "DECIDE NOW!", but how can this possibly be expected to happen at all?!

Personally, when I was eighteen years old, I didn't have a clue. Well, I'm sure I had a few ideas, but no true aspirations or motivation to dive in and pursue such dramatically important responsibilities as knowing what I was going to eventually support a family doing. I didn't even want a family at eighteen. I was an inexperienced, ignorant, yet blossoming, adolescent boy. I have no problem admitting that now, but if you were to ask me seven years ago, I would've bent over backwards to make you believe that everything I stood for was completely justified, wise, and better than yours.

At eighteen, I knew that I despised the education system. School was a waste of my time and George Bush was the reason for most of my problems on top of it all. I knew that playing in a band was more important than my classes at the local community college would ever be. I even knew I wasn't ever going to have kids. I knew a lot.

In retrospect, yes, almost all of my views, opinions, and philosophies have since evolved into ones I want to believe are more mature and rational in these short few years since my eighteenth. I can laugh at myself, sure, but does that mean I'm not going to be able to look back at myself in this moment a few years from now and do the same thing? I obviously could never know. The important thing is, that at some point in those years since, I've found something for myself to focus on. A goal, you know? A destination that finally floats on my horizons in a soft light of hopefulness. Will it change? Maybe. Probably. Part of me believes that it constantly should. The blog's called "Onwards & Upwards" for that reason (among many others),  folks.

So, enough about me. Let's talk about you! What do you do? Where did you go to school? What was your major?

Exactly. There's way too much focus put on those sort of questions in society. Back off, people. Take your time. Be patient. The truly wise will always tell you that if something is meant to happen, it's going to happen when it's the right time. That it'll happen for a reason too. We all know how stressful it can be to find ourselves standing in the open without a direction to walk in. I'm just saying that you shouldn't force it. Everyone finds their bearings eventually. Don't pretend to know it. Don't convince yourself it's right just because "time's up" and people tell you that you'll fall too far behind and be left in the dust by your peers.

Life's long. It's usually up to the individual to take the optimistic approach to it. Just know that you've got all the time in the world to finish growing up, find yourself, discover your truest passions, and embrace them in a timely manner.

The warm, sunny days are almost here, Chicago suburbs. Lift your heads up, enjoy the summer, let yourself get distracted, and hopefully you'll be lucky enough to stumble across your path in the midst of it all.